twenty.

20 weeks

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I told Josh last night that I just miss having someone to give my love too. I have Josh, but Im talking about the motherly nuturing type of love. He said the sweetest thing... he said Em you have a little baby growing in you, you are always snuggling. This made me sleep better last night, I just rubbed my belly and realized theres light at the end of this darkness. Im so thankful for Josh.

Gender: BOY!!!

Symptoms: I haven't really noticed any changes yet, I have been feeling rather well.

Weight: Im feeling a little bigger, may have gained a pound or 2 within the last week. Im happy with my weight tho. I am currently in maternity clothes, I call them my fat pants. They are amazing.

Carvings: Pasta salad from Fazolis. Strange I know, but Ive been eating tons of them.

Sleep: Not so good to be honest, I'm just missing a certain someone and wake up in a panic looking for him. Not to mention my baby is a little wild man at night!

Movement: I feel him move everyday, a kick here and there. Just to make me realize he loves me I think ;) Or its a move mom, give me food mom move. lol

Prayers: Please continue to pray for me and Josh, we have had several Ups and downs during this pregnancy. The loss of Josh's cousin and huckleberry are still affecting us. Please pray that we hold on to the hope of our child and remember God's in control of all things. Please also pray for the health of me and my baby :)

A pup named Huck.

Please just be patient with me as I rant and whine. I know the little dog above to you means nothing more than a picture, but he was more to me. And this just seems to be the place to let it all out.

So here it goes...

I never thought in a million years he would have ever gone so soon. My little huckleberry, my sidekick. We did everything together. I serously had an unheathly realtionship with him. It is maybe due to the fact that I don't have children myself... or its just because thats just how it was going to be. But we were inseparable. So yes, you are thinking Em.. just a dog. BUT let me tell you, he wasnt. Lassie, Marley and Old Yeller had nothing on Huck. He protected us, kept us company, loved us unconditionally, made us laugh, made us cry, and hes just gone. This dog even trained HIMSELF to ring a bell when he wanted outside, he feed himself food, and was easily trainable. I think he did this just so he wouldnt bother us. Best dog I have ever had. Am I being dramatic, NO, I loved him and he deserves to be talked about in this way.

I miss him horribly. I came home from a busy day of work, plopped my stuff on the couch and let huck outside. It was a beautiful day, in the 70's so I decided to let huck out longer to enjoy the weather. I ate dinner, went online and went to look out the door to see if he was ok. I noticed.. he was gone. I completely started panicking. Me and my 20 week old preggo belly started out on the hunt. Josh wasnt home yet to help, but I thought I would find him anyway. I walked and drove street by street, nothing. I asked several people and some said they had just saw a little beagle 5 mins. ago! So my hopes where up again. 6 hours later, 2 people searching, and 10 signs made. Josh decided it was enough and for me and told to take a break because im pregnant. He asked me to go to bed and told me " he is probably in someones bed and they will turn him in tomorrow" He just didnt want me to get upset because of the baby. And to be honest I still think he had some hope, and so did I. So I gave him NyQuil, waited for him to drift off to sleep and went back in my car to do some searching. I drove street by street again, and once again nothing. So i decided to check the main road and a little subdivison next to ours. As I am driving back to my house I see a fresh pool of blood and drive on. Deep in the pit of my heart I knew, but didnt want to look. I had to know so I turned around and drove by it again. I looked to the side and there he was a little white tail, adorable brown and black ears, and those long legged legs of his. Altho he was curled up like he was sleeping, it devasted me. I gunned my car down as fast as I could. Ran out of my car to the bedroom upstairs. I woke josh up by yelling, "HE'S DEAD!!! HUCKS DEAD!!!!! " He just stared at me in disbelief and shook his head. He asked where, so he could make sure he was dead and not injuried. I took him to the horrible site and josh got out of the car to check Hucks lifeless body. "Hes gone Em" We both went back to bed, completely horrified. Held eachother in our arms and cried all night. Our buddy is gone. He brought Josh and I so much happiness. I slept an hour and then told Josh I cant see him on the road everyday. Rickie agreed to come out and put his body in a bag. Josh had to go to Penn. today, so he couldnt do it. We carried him to a beautiful place called Boones Creek Camp. This is where I grew up, fell in love and wanted my dog to be. If you go out there sometime you will see a little grave that holds 1 of many dogs buried there. A simple one, but an honoring one. Marking the grave is a big rock my daddywalter gave me, sticks lying across it, and 3 daffodils. Hes buried in view of a lovely pond we had taken him before. Huck deserved a proper burial. Though a dog, he just wasnt. Thank you camp and Rickie for allowing me to do this.

Will I ever get over this? In some ways yes and in some ways no. Theres no dog like him, but I also have this little baby boy kicking me as I am typing this. God has blessed me with 3 1/2 years with my little buddy. I appreciate every moment with him. I can't wait to focus my love 2x more to my little boy. Im thankful for those moments. I have a motherly heart and now its just a waiting game to use that.

We will miss you Huckleberry, thank you for everything.

Moon River, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker, wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end-- waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend, Moon River and me.

nineteen/twenty.

BOY, OH BOY!

Yes, you should know this by now if you keep up with my FB, just thought I would share it again. Am I excitied... of COURSE!!! Im pretty sure its all I can think about now. I go to stores and just browse the boy clothes, toys, etc. Yes, Im in love with my little buddy. I just wanted to say first of all. For those of you who will get pregnant in the future... dont ever believe those old wives tales!!! haha. My grandma insisted doing some weird string thing... it said I was having a girl. I have heard the heart beat if over 140, then you are having a girl... NOT true. They say if you eat like a teenage boy then you are having a boy... NOT true. Just dont listen haha. I thought I was having a boy in the beginning. Then second guessed myself. Then went back. Hey guess what... its all guessing. lol.

I have some names picked out that Im pretty proud of, I will share them with you when we find the final name. I have to say they are stinkin cute! We will see what Josh says ;) I hope to be able to share this with you soon. Im eager to name this little man.

The ultrasound experience

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Walking into the office, I was so excitied I could barely stand it. I could tell Josh was the same. I had drank my bottle of water and popped in some M&M's so my baby would move some. So I was a little hyped up. They called us all back and started to prepare my belly, I held my breath most of the time.I keep seeing this little thing on the screen every once and a while and thought maybe it was a boy... but I waited. Then she annouced it, A BOY! Tears immediately filled my eyes, my moms, and Joshs. After the appt. calls were being made in the hallway. I could tell Josh was excitied when he tried to get his phone and just dropped it on the floor into pieces. haha. We were all excitied to FINALLY know!

Anything like me, by Brad Paisley

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I remember sayin' I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy, I'm okay
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there? Well, you know what that means"

I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if he's anything like me

He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass
In a window down the street

He's gonna get in trouble, oh, he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback
If he's anything like me

I can see him right now, knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass tryin' to melt a Tonka truck
Won't he be a sight with his football helmet on?
That'll be his first love 'til his first love comes along

He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens
And heaven help him if he's anything like me

He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket, he'll pay for mowing grass
He's gonna get caught skippin' class
And be grounded for a week

He's gonna get into trouble, we're gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback
If he's anything like me

He's gonna love me
And hate me along the way
The years are gonna fly by
And I already dread the day

He's gonna hug his mama, he's gonna shake my hand
He's gonna act like he can't wait to leave

But as he drives out he'll cry his eyes out
If he's anything like me
There's worst folks to be like, oh, he'll be alright
If he's anything like me

19 & 20 weeks
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Symptoms: Bigger belly, and yet still so small. Feeling fantastic!

Weight: I really haven't gained much weight at all. I'm hoping it continues this way from this point on. ( knock on wood) I really have had a good pregnancy so far.

Sleep: I haven't been sleeping as well as I usually do. My back aches at night which wakes me. I usually have to make bathroom trips in the middle of the night.

Movement: This little guy moves a bunch! When I am on my back he starts to get really restless. I think hes trying to say " MOM, Please MOVE!!!" Its probably because theres less room for him and my spine is pressing on him. Poor little guy, lol. Im hoping Josh will feel him move soon. :)

Eighteen.

18 Weeks

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Symptoms: Feeling alot better this week. No symptoms to really complain about :)

Weight: They weighed me at the doctor and I have gained 3 pounds! Why you ask am I excited about this? It may be because I lost some weight while I was sick and have been worried about it. I worry about everything now that I am pregnant. What I eat, when I eat it, etc etc. Im kind of annoying.

Sleep: I have been going to sleep well, but not staying asleep. I have noticed a big difference in my body lately and I think its starting to disturb my sleeping habits. They say to sleep on your side, which I did anyway... BUT without a pillow between my legs I get a sharp pain running down my back. Body Pillows help.

Movement: I feel it move more often everyday. It seems to be a little stronger everytime it moves or kicks. Its probably my favorite feeling EVER. I rub my little belly all the time.

What Im missing: Im kind of getting sick of drinking water and sprite all the time. Every now and then I'll sneak a sweet tea just to make myself feel better.

Seventeen

(possible nursery theme)

17 weeks

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( Im actually 18 today, but I like to write about the week before)

Symptons: This has to be one of the worst weeks for me... Even though being in my second trimester things are suppose to be looking "peachy". Well not so much. I blame Josh. haha. I have this HORRIBLE cold that will not go away. It started to develop Sunday afternoon, and well its Thursday and still hasn't gone. I guess with what I have been reading being pregnant makes sickness last a bit longer. Just lovely. I have a bad cough, runny nose, congestion, aches, no energy, and just feeling all around bad. I went to the doctor and they now say I have fluid on my lungs. I HATE taking medications, which is ironic since I am a pharmacy tech. Now that I am pregnant I hate taking anything even more. I had to just suck it up and realize getting pneumonia while pregnant would be worse. I ended up getting an antibotic which is not harmful to my baby. Im just extremely paranoid about the littlest of things.

Weight: Not much change there. I may have gained a pound or two, but I can see my bump started to develop and thankfully its just going to that area. My pants are loose in the bum area and legs, which is rather odd to me. I thought it would be going there first, hehe

Sleep: Very little. This is because of my recent illness, the coughing keeps me up ALL night!

Movement: My little bean moves like a little acrobat in there! When I was seen today for my antibotic she checked its little heartbeat. It was moving everywhere! I think its ADD like me, haha. The heartbeat ended up being 141, which I think last time we checked it was 140. I love it! I can feel it more and more now. Its like I have a bunch of butterflies flying around in there. love love love

What I'm Missing: this week I miss just being able to breath again. Im sick of being sick.

Prayers: Please pray for both my health and the babys health.